Cocaine and Cat
How Ibogaine has changed my life, but first let me give you some back ground which some might relate to.
Before I start my testimony, the only reason why I am making my testimony anonymous is that we live in a judgmental and unforgiving world, I am entrepreneur and this might damage my company brand for which I have worked very hard to uphold and that, unfortunately takes away the beauty and healing that Ibogaine has given me.
I am a 30 year old male Indian South African, I have loving wife and family who stood by me through everything I put them through.
I was an alcoholic (12 years), a daily cocaine and khat user (4years daily, 12 years total user), prescription pills dependent i.e sleeping tablets, antidepressants (4 years) and even pain killers due to my drug and alcohol abuse.
Yes I can really say that I was all kind of messed up.
Every time I admitted myself into a rehab it was because I knew I messed up big time and although I needed the change in my life I just could not do it. I have tried AA, NA, councilors, therapists and even hypnosis none of which really helped me.
The many rehabilitation centre’s I have been too, all of which only really touched the surface of my issues I was dealing with and knowing my charming myself even though I voluntarily admitted myself into these
places I would only tell the doctor in front of me what he or she needed to know in order to get myself out of the situation so I can get out of there and start abusing again because I knew deep down inside no one could help me.
Although I always kept a smile, I “sort of” knew deep down what demons I was facing daily, by saying “sort of” I too can honestly say, at that point in my life I really couldn’t exactly say what in the world was
going on with me?? Was it the years of abusing substances that cause me to behave in this manner? Was I mentally ill? Am I a narcissist? Am I a bad person? Was the trauma I experienced might have caused this? I JUST COULDN’T UNDERSTAND MYSELF AND WHY I DO THE THINGS I DO EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I AM HURTING MYSELF AND THOSE I LOVE THE MOST….
I can honestly say to you, my life was still an absolute mess and my escape was using substances because I couldn’t deal with things that were happening around me, basically I was not in touch with reality, to
a point that my family and my wife would hide certain things that was happening because they knew I couldn’t handle it and I would act out on binging on substances. To this day I cannot believe that they were able to put up with the “old me”. Many times in the past I felt like taking my life in order to save them the pain I was putting everyone through, I even acted out on it a few times whilst being under the influence. I can only imagine the horror I have put them through, but Ibogaine has thought me how to forgive myself first and then seek the forgiveness from the ones I love.
This time around I did not “mess up” I knew I needed to have my mind right in order to create a better life for myself and my family. I reached out to Magalies Wellness Centre. I believed that man-made medication has not helped me and in-fact made me more chemically imbalanced nor did it help me through the years to cope with what I was dealing with therefore my last resort was to try a natural substance in hope that this will help me solve my issues within myself and in turn cure my dependent drug and alcohol abuse.
Even before going in on the Monday I found myself being very anxious as I did not know what to expect also I tried to manipulate my family and myself into thinking that “I don’t think I need this treatment” whilst deep down I knew that I could never control these demons I have been living with for all these years.
Another thought that made me very anxious was the fact that “what will I be doing in my spare time or for entertainment” because my life revolved around drinking and partying. Just the thought of being a sad sober person watching people have fun responsibly while I stand there looking all miserable and not really enjoying myself, this thought killed me because yes I’m still young and yes I love to socialise and yes I’m always the life of the party but how am I going to be all that when I’m just going to be a “dry drunk”.
Boy was I wrong!
Life after Ibogaine…
After Ibogaine I cannot label myself with the stigma of being an addict nor a victim of circumstances rather I look at myself as someone who did not know how to handle life or trauma on its own harsh terms. Situations that were huge walls in-front of me that I could not see a way past are now little humps on my journey.
I understand the world and people differently now. I cannot believe that all these years I put my body, mind and my loving soul through such destruction but I am at peace with it. It honestly feels so good to be normal again, I feel like the person I knew before I allowed anxiety and depression lead me to drugs and alcohol.
Ibogaine has thought me how to absolutely LOVE the face I see in the mirror!
After Ibogaine, harsh life still happens but now I have the tools mentally to deal with situations differently without seeking an escape. Ibogaine has thought me that it’s okay to have fun although being sober,
I am still the life of the party I am still funny even more so now and I am able to interact and have really meaningful simulating conversations with people around me.
My life has changed so drastically that all the things the “old me” chased doesn’t mean that much to me anymore, don’t get me wrong I still want to build a wealthy future for my generations to come but now I take care of my wellbeing and my families wellbeing first and I know the rest will follow and even if it doesn’t IT IS OKAY. My family life has changed, I have earned their respect back they cannot believe that I have done a 180 turn. My loving wife cannot come to terms that it’s actually me the “real me” that she remembers back in school that is standing in front of her. She loves me even more now than ever before, I am so proud of myself and I can now say that today I am a real MAN.
I understand that all these substances the “old me” did will always be around but I will not put myself through that ever again, I have been stuck in that dark place for so long almost half my life and now that I
have found peace I never want to let that go. I can genuinely say that I am drug, alcohol, prescription medication, anxiety and depression FREE AND I FREAKING LOVE THE LIFE I LIVE!!!!!
A special message to the Magalies Wellness Centre Team, You are God sent! The work that you do by taking people out of pain and suffering is beyond belief and I am so grateful to have you as a part of my life! May God bless you in every way possible! Your loving care for me during and after my treatment is really heart-warming and assuring! I can never re-pay the Ibogaine plant and you guys for what you have done for me and the life I now live but all I can say is THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME & MY FAMILY!!