“Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no. If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion. You would not be reading this now. Suffering cracks open the shell of ego and then comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary”. ~Eckhart Tolle
I certainly did choose to suffer. One of ibogaine’s lessons for me was learning that suffering itself has a purpose. It felt like a curse at first until I understood its purpose in my life and started to see it as a blessing. Happiness never taught me much. I had to go through what I didn’t want to find out what I truly wanted and needed. I appreciate this calmness and happiness only because I know what it feels like not to have it. Years of depression left me trapped in the dark hole of my mind. If it wasn’t for ibogaine I would still be in my hole instead of being and feeling whole.
I feel stronger after ibogaine. There is life after death. But I had to die first to learn how to truly live. I lived wrecklessly and had no appreciation for life. After seeing myself dead I realised that I actually do want to live. Just like Paulo Coelhos book Veronica decides to die. You are all amazing. Thank you for being a part of my journey. Grateful to you all.